this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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