Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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