she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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