I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
