So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
