I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
