Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
