Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
We smell like vodka and hangover
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