her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
