I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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