She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize