I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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