I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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