Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize