the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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