never play flip cup with pint glasses
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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