we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
