Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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