You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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