dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
