Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
