I'm really into asian looking animals
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
