Whod you bang
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
