You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!