I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.