Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
