dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green