I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.