i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
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I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
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That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me