my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
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I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
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He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?