Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(305): View more from Florida

My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.

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(305): My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit. http://tfl.nu/7g7j

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"

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(860): I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John" http://tfl.nu/1on0

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(305): View more from Florida

I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.

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(305): I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind. http://tfl.nu/8l0m

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(754): View more from Florida

He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?

(954): View more from Florida

In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?

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(754): He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach? (954): In the hopes he'll just put it in one day? http://tfl.nu/u4da

Replies (100) Good night (1315) Bad night (8057)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity

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(508): Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity http://tfl.nu/5mrd

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(404): View more from Georgia

i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.

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(404): i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice. http://tfl.nu/2mv5

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(905): View more from Ontario

She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up

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(905): She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up http://tfl.nu/duhi

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(845): View more from New York

I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting

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(845): I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting http://tfl.nu/p4gt

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(410): View more from Maryland

They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.

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(410): They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless. http://tfl.nu/y6il

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(815): View more from Illinois

I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.

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(815): I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn. http://tfl.nu/iw95

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(386): View more from Florida

I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness

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(386): I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness http://tfl.nu/l65r

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(910): View more from North Carolina

Found the puke drawer

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(910): Found the puke drawer http://tfl.nu/lcvb

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(914): View more from New York

Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.

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(914): Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius. http://tfl.nu/p1hh

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(910): View more from North Carolina

Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!

(1-910): View more from North Carolina

No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!

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(910): Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome! (1-910): No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?! http://tfl.nu/r3ev

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(310): View more from California

When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos

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(310): When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos http://tfl.nu/izqt

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