Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
