found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
