Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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