That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
me + whiskey = a bad person
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
