Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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