shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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