So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I had to cum in my sink.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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