i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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