There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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