i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
