I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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