you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
