im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
