Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
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Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
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The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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