Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
