i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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