There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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