So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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