You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
