Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
