it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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