Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
