i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
