Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
