a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
