Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm too high and old for this...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
