Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
