Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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