what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
