I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
