absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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