you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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